I Wear My Heart On My Sleeve

I have honestly been staring at this empty writing space for the last half hour, not knowing how to start this off. If you are taking the time to read this, then please accept my apology if any of it is messed up to a point where it makes no sense. It makes sense in my head, and honestly, that's what matters most.

Originally a few hours ago, I was going to write a blog listing the common misconceptions about who I am. I was angry, I was frustrated, I was upset. I realized that I didn't need to do that because the people who know me and care about me know the truth. To the people that don't know, I am a deep and emotional loser with a strong touch of creativity along with a laid back and mostly worry-free personality. But who I am isn't what matters most at this moment. Eh, maybe it is, but I can't think of the write words to continue that idea.

Whether it's today, tomorrow, or 60 years from now, I am going to eventually die. Is it weird that I am not afraid of the idea of never existing on Earth again? Never seeing my loved ones again? Never being able to watch another baseball game? Never laughing with my friends again? Never being able to play that new video game? Never being able to listen to that new album that just came out? No. Hell no, I am not afraid. I like the idea of a finish line at the end of this life. a time limit if you will. I like the fact that we don't know when we're going to cross that checkered line or when the clock is going to run to 00:00. What I am trying to say is that nobody should fear death. We all know it's coming. It should make us appreciate living even more than we already do.

We wake up, we shower, we drive, we work, we drive, we sleep. That is the basic schedule of a good majority of people's every day life. But so much happens in between each of these events that aren't appreciated. Maybe on your drive to work, look out your car window and see how beautiful the fall leaves look, or how amazing the clouds look in the sky, or just roll down the window and breathe in nature. When you're at work, talk to that person that you always see at the water cooler because you may have more in common with that person than you could ever imagine possible. There is so much you can miss in your life unless you take a second for yourself to look at your surroundings. Even with all of the terrible things in this world, it is still a beautiful place. Diverse as it may be, we can all find a place that we can enjoy.

I don't know if one needs an epiphany to see the world the way I do, but I hope that's not the case. I used to view the world as nothing more than a basic setup of people and landscapes. My epiphany was not really a result of a thought process, but more of an event: when my heart was broken many years ago.

I never thought I could cope with the damage that had been done. Something I believed in, something I trusted in, something I loved. How could I have let this happen? It doesn't matter how it happened, or why it happened, but I thank God that it did. To see the world as I explained above is amazing. I hope someone that takes the time to read this can actually know what I am saying.

To those that know I have a tattoo know that it reads this:

"Gasping but somehow still alive, this is the fierce last stand of all I am"
- The Smiths

What you may not know is the reasoning behind the lyric. Well, the obvious reason is the fact that I am a huge music fan and a huge Smiths fan. But there is a personal meaning in this lyric. When I see it, I see it as a reminder that we may only get one chance to do something in our life. Your first chance could be your last chance. So when you do it, put every ounce of your heart, body, and soul into it. Never give up. That is why that is forever inked onto my body. Sometimes you need that reminder that, shit, what I am doing now, what choice I need to make today may be the only time I can ever make this choice. This could be the last time I could do something because tomorrow it may all come to an end; tomorrow my finish line can sneak up right in front of me.

I don't mean to preach this to you, but please, appreciate the events in your life, good or bad. Enjoy the things that you would normally do or even pay attention to. And what I believe is most important, appreciate the people around you and let them know that you love them. Just because your end may be years upon years away, doesn't mean theirs is too.

Could I Have Saved You? Would That Have Betrayed You? - A Song Lyrics Blog Posting

Strays Don't Sleep
"For Blue Skies"

It's been a long year
Since we last spoke
How's your halo?
Just between you and I
You and me and the satellites
I never believed you
I only wanted to

Before all of this
What did I miss?
Do you ever get homesick?
I can't get used to it
I can't get used to it
I'll never get used to it
I'll never get used to it

I'm under that night
I'm under those same stars
We're in a red car
You asleep at my side
Going in and out of the headlights
Could I have saved you?
Would that've betrayed you?

I wanna burn this film
You alone with those pills
What you couldn't do I will

I forgive you
I'll forgive you
I'll forgive you
I forgive you

For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
I'll forgive you